The journey continues

New destination with A1’s SPD.

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If you have been following this blog for a while now you should know about our struggles with A1 for the better part of her first 2 years of life. After therapy, lots of changes and eventually putting her in a day care for 3 days a week, it has been going very well. That is up until about a week ago. I don’t know what changed, as far as I know nothing did. Our home life is as uneventful as ever, I have been home not more or less than the previous few months, Husband has not worked more or less, his studies have not kept him busier. Nothing. The kids are getting along, everything is chilled and comfortable and easy. Not for A1. She has been acting out, sleeping badly, refusing to eat. Crying and screaming about everything. And I mean everything. Every single thing is an issue and a challenge, even mundane things that most people would not even pick up. Issue. Crying issue. Tantrum issue. Melt-down issue. This happens, not often, but every now and again, and usually it follows the same path. She will start to sleep really badly, firstly by refusing to go to sleep and then by waking every two or three hours. Then she will wake up crying because she is tired. Then she will stop eating. The only things she will eat are usually chips, nuts, and rice cakes. So crunchy and hard things, nothing soft and mushy. And nothing nutritious – it’s like her body knows the effect of sugar and craves the chaos that it brings. After the food phase, the moving phase will start. She will find things to get into, under, or on and will want to run, jump, push, pull or spin. Any movement that gives her extreme proprioceptive input she will seek out. The last time we had her at the OT in this stage she ended up spinning in a cocoon for more than 30min. I would have thrown up, she cried for more. And then, she will start asking me to brush her again. She will bring her body brush and sit on my lap so I can do the protocol. Even the limb pumping she will gladly accept. Usually this gives some relief, but also only after making it worse for a few days. And while all of this is happening we have another girl also looking for attention, love, and affection. It is tiring to say the least.

Yesterday, after it took me the whole day to do the laundry, get everything dried (it is raining and we don’t have a tumble dryer) and folding all of the clean washing she decided to make a nest in the washing…. Oh yes it was very cute, especially since she fell asleep, but also very annoying since I had to redo everything. She pushes me to my limits, and when I am about to snap she will look at me with those big blue innocent eyes and say something stupid like “I love you”. There goes my heart again.

At this stage I have no solution. No magic wand that I can swing that will make everything better. We have not mentioned anything to the school, so they don’t treat her different to the other kids. We have also decided to not try and control her diet at school, rather focusing on giving her better food choices when she is at home. Depriving her and making her feel like an outsider feels like it will serve more harm than good. So, for now we will still try the “normal” for a little while and then see what we can change or adapt and if it will have any result. Until then, we just have to focus on making her feel calm, secure, loved and understood even when we don’t feel calm or secure, and I seldom understand her.

Honest Mom Love